I have a pretty daggum great relationship with both of my teens. We talk to each other about stuff, real life stuff.
Yeah, a real blessing for sure. Yet, at times this open communication can lead to too much truth.
My teen son and I had just gone to see a movie together and on the drive home, he suddenly giggled, shook his head and uttered, “Mom, you talk too much.”
Ouch.
Actually, double ouch because I distinctly remember my teen daughter saying the same thing to me a couple of years ago.
Heavy sigh.
Please know, my teens are very respectful so I do not see either’s declaration as disrespect. I see it as honesty and an opportunity for me to consider the truth spoken in love.
I did remind him that words can hurt and he may have been a bit too blunt in his statement and he did quickly apologize and assure me he did not mean to hurt my feelings.
However, I also took the opportunity to do some thinking and hit “replay” on the last 48 hours. Hubby was out of town and my son and I had been spending lots of time together. As I considered our interactions I did conclude that indeed I had felt the need to fill the hole left by his father being out of town with quite a bit of chatter.
Quite a bit of probing, discussing, question asking.
Point taken.
Thus, a recalibration to recognize that more silence and brief discussions are OK. I don’t have to make up for the conversation that is now lacking by the absence of his sister at college and his father out of town.
For me it was natural to hone in on him; for him it was too much to be honed in on by me for an extended period of time. And since we still had three days left before hubby came home, he may have even been feeing like he was about to be backed into a word-slinging, 72-hour corner.
We did have a discussion about respecting others and being gentler with our words. I have made it a point to teach my children how they treat others in our home is training for how they will treat their spouses someday. I explained to my son that, “Honey, you talk too much” uttered to his wife someday might get him an icy reception, or maybe even a kick in the shins.
I did giggle and say to him I need to remember I have one mouth and two ears. A statement I have uttered more times than I am willing to admit.
So tell me … do you share my mom tendency to “over communicate” with your children?
About Tracey
I’m not a constant talker, but I do get long-winded when I’m trying to make sure my kids understand a point. I have now given them permission to respectfully interrupt and let me know when they “get it.” It’s amazing how much shorter the conversations are!
Thanks so much Megan…it is interesting that as they grow we have to be willing to adjust our parenting! Blessings to you, Tracey
Hi Tracey! I’ve definitely found that males usually need less verbiage than I (and most females?) do. However, there are some in this world who actually do process stuff by talking it out. At those times, I’m in my element!
Here’s a related trap I’ve fallen into at times: trying to fix things between my kids. (Which sure relates to talking too much!) My kids are grown and out of the house and all have basically good relationships with each other. However, occasionally I’ll hear complaints from one sibling about another, and at those times I’m tempted to jump in with my supermom I-can-fix-it-honey cape flying. Not a good idea and I have been asked not to do it. So I sit back, hold the news in my heart and pray about it.
That definitely works a lot better!
Hey Kitty – thanks so much for helping me know I am not the only external processing mom out there! (Ha…I am sure we dominate that space!) Thanks for the wisdom on sibling “fixing” … wise words to jump in less and pray more! I hope we all take heed to that great advice! Big Hug, Tracey
Oh, Tracey – this is SO me! My boys haven’t yet voiced something similar, but I’ll be talking & see the point where their eyes begin to “glaze over,” ya know?