Last Updated on March 20, 2018
I’m in a rather funky place … and when I say funky I don’t mean some fun and crazy place where people dress with flair and the music is cranking. My funky place should probably be described as a fussy place.
Single motherhood has made me tired–emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. When things get funky and fussy, I tend to focus on them instead of my Savior.
A few months back the kids and I were watching the film, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. There was one particular line that struck me as profound. Please forgive me, I cannot remember the exact quote, but Prince Caspian said something to the effect that he’d spent too much time focusing on what was taken from him rather than what was given to him. Isn’t that often the case? I often lament what I don’t have rather than rejoice in what I do have.
It’s easy to focus on what’s missing in our family … it’s blaringly obvious. And at times it can seem overwhelmingly huge. But when I choose to focus less on the lack, and more on my blessings, the blessings become quite large in their own right!
I have a little black notebook and although it doesn’t contain a list of possible suitors, it does have a list of little and big things for which I’m thankful. I’ve been amazed at how easy it is to add to my list. There are so many little blessings each day. The sound of driving on gravel … candles lit early in the morning … a dish-free sink … the delight of watching happy children … a soft breeze … making it to the auto shop with a dead battery (no kidding!) … swirling steam off a cup of hot tea … a fat robin on the first day of spring … a bouquet of flowers … and a million more.
The biggest blessings are my children, truly. I wouldn’t laugh or cry so hard if it weren’t for those five dear people. God was so good to give me each one of them. My life is richer, more challenging, happier, full of more love and grace than I could imagine because of those sweet children. Hearing my college-age son say, “I love you Mama,” the joy of knowing my teenage daughter still values my opinion (at least most of the time), enjoying the stories excitedly shared by my 12-year-old son, relishing my cuddly 6-year-old daughter’s hug, and smiling to my core at the antics of my sweet and spicy 5-year-old daughter … truly I’m blessed.
Those five people make me who I am … Momma. The loss of my marriage makes me a single mom, but really that’s just the number of parents in our home, not my defining feature. I might be missing my partner in life, but I’m determined to not miss any more blessings. I might be missing sleep, but I’m not missing life.
Life is good! My children are a joy! My focus will no longer be what I’m missing, but what I have … and what I have is very, very good.
What are you thankful for today?
Sue Birdseye is an author and communicator who shares the adventures she has on her unexpected journey of single parenting. She went from the typical “picket fence” kind of life to being a single mom to five beautiful children. She has learned what it means to be totally dependent upon the Lord and how beautiful that dependence is. Her change of life circumstances has led to a passionate desire to encourage and bless other moms no matter their life circumstances. She has been active in her community as a foster/adoptive mom and public school teacher. She has also been part of her church’s worship, discipleship, women’s, and children’s ministries. She is an avid book reader, a game night hoster, and an early morning writer. Her book “When Happily Ever After Shatters” is the story of how God stepped into her life and the lives of her children just when everything seemed to be falling apart. She hopes that her writing will encourage, bless, and maybe even make someone smile.
i am thankful for YOU! great post as usual. hope i can meet your kids some day.
love you.
This is my first email from your blog. I know I’m going to enjoy this journey with you!
I love this post, and I strive to be there, but I have to say that I’m not there yet. The loss of my marriage is still too fresh. I go to church and I see my friends sitting with their husbands and it’s hard. We socialize together and I’m the only one without a partner. I’m the only one who has to spend 6 nights out of 14 without my children in my home. I don’t know how to see past that yet to see things like a clean sink as a blessing. We’ve only been separated a couple of months. I pray for the strength to get to this point. I really want to feel joy again. Thank you for your posts. They help me know I’m not alone and that things will get better.
“The loss of my marriage makes me a single mom, but really that’s just the number of parents in our home, not my defining feature. I might be missing my partner in life, but I’m determined to not miss any more blessings. I might be missing sleep, but I’m not missing life.”
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I needed to read this.
I so needed this. I have been struggling with this recently. Thank you for your honesty! I am going to create my own black book.
Blessings.
This so goes along with one of my new favorite songs, Strangely Dim by Francesca Battiselli. Please check it out if you have not already heard it.
Hang on,
Shanda
Thank you so much for this post. I have always tended to focus on what has been taken: a baby far too soon, a marriage I thought would last forever, and now a job I so desperately needed. Thanks for the reminder to refocus on all I’ve been given, and not define myself by my losses. As Paul said in Philippians, “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.” Only Christ remains, and that’s all that really matters.
What an inspiring post & woman and wow – 5 children!. I’m blessed to have two beautiful children and be healthy & energetic enough to be a single mum to them! I’d been feeling the strain of juggling life in general & reading your blogs on this site has perked me up tonight. I think we are all ‘guilty’ of taking on too much & trying to be superwomen. Its just not possible to achieve everything at all times & we need to be kinder to ourselves and realise we are doing our best. My spiritual beliefs give me a lot of strength & so does wine, friends, fun times & chocolate! Thank you again x